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Finding the How

When we're kids and mad about something, it's easy to think that whatever bad is happening at the moment is the way it is always going to be. We just can't see past RIGHT THIS SECOND so we think this second is forever. Over the years, it's a relief to learn otherwise. And then we lose a loved one and in those first few days - weeks, months, years? - we're right back to being kids again, stuck in that place of absolute certainty that we will forever be in our current purgatory of grief and loss and unrelenting pain. Of course it's still not true, any more than it was when we were kids. I learned that after Charles died. But to be honest, as much as I tried, I could never really understand HOW I moved forward. I eventually accepted that God was working it but HOW. I did finally get to a place of peace but HOW. I did embrace a new normal but HOW. How. How. How.

And then today, an epiphany. Someone else's words trumped any I ever came up with to make the pieces fit. Our pastor delivered a beautiful Lenten message. But once I heard the words "God is always creating," my mind left Lent and went to loss. And finally I got it. God is always creating. And because God is always creating, we don't have to stay stuck in that same place. Because God is always creating, peace is possible. Because God is always creating, a new normal is possible. Because God as the creator is always creating, when we are ready, anything is possible. That's how. Wow.

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